Every New Year it is the same…
Every year I say it will be different. Every year I intend to start the New Year with a clutter-free clean house, an organized filing system, a months worth of healthy weekly meals planned so we can all sit and enjoy our meals together as a family, a new morning routine to start the day right, and of course a daily exercise plan. And Every New Year it starts out the same. The first week of the New Year is spent recovering from the holidays and the year as a whole, lazing about, “talking” about all the things we should be doing rather than “doing” them, and just all around getting used to getting back to our ‘normal’ routine.
So this year the difference is, I am okay with that. I am just an ordinary person living an ordinary life. And this year I turn 40 !!!! …….
Somehow I feel like I am supposed to be in a panic over that. Like my life is half over and oh crap I didn’t accomplish all the things I thought I would by this time in my life. I’m no Martha Stewart, I am not even a successful FlyLady, I don’t have a gaggle of kids, I never kept any of the weight off from any of the many diets I’ve tried, I do not have a huge or even steady worry free income to afford me the life I can only dream about, and I don’t have a house of my own.
Yeah, I can’t cook or keep a gorgeous house like Martha, but I do have a freezer chock full of delicious easy to prepare meals and I am the master of my microwave and I know how to preheat an oven; my house may look messy, but I prefer to think of it as the lived in look; and best af all I do plan the best kiddie parties on the block. I can’t flylady for my life, but I am the most anal retentive organized, unorganized person I know. And no I didn’t birth a whole brood of mini-me’s and create the huge family that I had always hoped for, but I do have one heck of a gorgeous, energetic, expressive, inquisitive, outgoing, creative, imaginative, sensitive, genius, handful of a son!!! And he is worth way more than a gaggle of kids to me. I also have the privilege and the pleasure of caring for the most adorable, sweetest niece an aunt can ask for, on a daily basis. She is the daughter I never got to have (and I get to send her home with a poopy diaper every once in a while). I’ve dieted successfully a dozen times or so, but failed to maintain them, and still I am just as beautiful person as I have ever been. My husband thinks I am gorgeous no matter what size I am ( I think he is blind, or dopey, or both), personally I do not always like the way I look but I have become very accustomed and comfortable with who I am, and there is nothing more beautiful than that. We don’t own a house, we most likely never will, but we do have a HOME. One that we have been lucky enough to have for 10 years and hopefully be able to keep for at least 10 more and then 10 more after that. I found my independence in this home, I met my husband in this home, I brought my son home from the hospital to this home… This home is where my family is, this home is where my heart is. Our family lives paycheck to paycheck and that does suck much of the time. But I do what I love: I take care of my family and on the side I make money providing childcare to family and friends to help pay the bills. My family is my career, I devote myself whole heartedly to them. And while it doesn’t generate any money towards the more comfortable lifestyle that we would like to enjoy, what I am paid in hugs, kisses, gratitude, pride, joy, and most of all love, is more than I could ever dream, wish, or hope for in life, and in a word is priceless.
So, I am not where I thought I would be by the time I turned 40. And occasionally I think, “Damn, my life was not supposed to turn out this way!” And then I think -” Be thankful, it turned out so much better!!!”