What the voices in my head are screaming….
I think everyone has a little voice in their head, that whispers quiet thoughts that are just for them and dare not be spoken out loud.
At least I hope that’s true, otherwise it’s just me with a voice in my head.
…and in my case, I think there may be more than one voice.
I definitely think I have a voice that whispers quiet thoughts to me; telling me right from wrong, thinking one thing but advising me to say another to spare someones feelings or keep certain things protected and private.
But there is another voice in my head, a voice that has been sounding off since as far back as 12 or maybe even earlier.
When I was very young my lips would betray me and repeat out loud what that voice would say in my head. But in my defense, I didn’t know better, my selfcontrol of such things had not yet matured, and besides that voice was always the loudest. In fact it was a screamer.
I think I developed that voice from my mom. In more ways than just one.
My mom’s inner voice seemed to always be spoken outloud and unfiltered for everyone to hear. It became the example for me early on. So nI got that voice from my mom and because of my mom.
And to this day, that voice, “The Screamer”, the one that only responds to my mother still screams out in my head from time to time.
This morning was one of those times. This is what the voices in my head where SCREAMING, this morning during a conversation over the phone with my mom this morning about how forgetful I have been getting and therefore I must be addicted to pain medication:
“Ugh, I am NOT addicted to pain meds; I am too forgetful to be addicted to pain meds, I can’t even remember to take them”
“…I don’t care what Dr, Oz says… Dr. Oz does not even know me. And neither do Dr. Phil or Oprah for that matter!”
“…STOP SHOULDING ON ME!”
“…I’ve been like this my entire life!!”
“…Hellooooooo… I have Fibromyalgia and ADHD”
“…There are TONS of things I should do”
“…would you look in the damn mirror, and stop projecting yourself on me”
“…one newspaper article and an episode of Dr. Phil, does NOT an expert make”
“…just because you gave birth to me does not mean you know me”
“…maybe I am just forgetful because I am too damn busy and stressed from helping everyone else that I don’t have time for my own life, let alone remember what is going on in it!”
And then comes the quiet whisper;
“…Aww, just give her a break, this princess is going to be 70 in just a few months”
And more importantly;
“… I LOVE you, Mom!”
Edited to Add; My mom does not read my blog (hmm… she might know me better if she did) But, to those of you who do AND speak to my mom – Let’s just keep this between us more computer savvy people, okay?
LENNIE – this means you too 🙂