I just figured out something new in the world of; whatever the
frak is wrong with me.
When I get agitated, frustrated, or upset my quills come out. At
least that’s what it feels like,
…only my quills aren’t fine little hairs that stand on end. My
quills are invisible and feel like really long sharp needles attached to nerve
endings that are slowly trying to make their way out from under my skin.
I know sounds horrible; imagine how it feels!
I’ve come to this conclusion based on the day’s activities and the
reaction it caused.
Hubby’s insurance plan is a real sucky one! We have a $2,400 detuctable
that we need to meet at the beginning of each year for our in-network service
plan. We are generally broke for the first 3 months of the year, because all
our money goes to the insurance company for all the meds Leon and I take on a
Well if that isn’t bad enough, our insurance plan demands another
$2,4oo for any Out-of-Network services. So why don’t we stay in network?
Because we can’t find a damn In-network doctor to see us. And by us I mean Leon
Leon needs a therapist, as well as a social skills group. I have
found two doctors that come very highly recommended, BUT… they are of course
Out-of-Network. Then there is me. Woe is me.
At my doctor visit yesterday with my primary care doctor, I was
advised to seek psychiatric care…. oh and here is a new prescription for even
more meds. In case anyone is keeping score that’s 10 pills a day. As my friend
Kim said “my mom doesn’t even take that many”
It’s frustrating; however, the advice isn’t wrong. I think getting
psychiatric help would be a plus, providing I can find one that I am
comfortable with. I think I definitely do need to speak with a therapist to
help me untangle this life that seems to have gotten completely out of control,
and if that person can also help me reduce the amount of medication I am taking
that would be excellent.
So today I printed out the list of in-network doctors that are in
a 10 mile radius. I was on a roll, and getting things done today. I was pretty
proud of myself for not putting it off. It was time to do some research, I hate
the idea of randomly picking out a doctor that is going to be picking my brain
and telling me who I am, from a list. I much prefer to have a recommendation
from a friend or a referral from a doctor. Unfortunately I am the only crazy
person among my friends so no help there, and as for doctor referrals… well
let’s just say that apparently none of the “good” doctors take my
insurance. So it was between me and the computer to decide who I would choose. Unfortunately
the computer was no help AT ALL! I was hoping to find some reviews on the
doctors on the list to help me choose. Ummmm, Yea, No!
As the time passed and I hit road block after road block I got
more and more frustrated. I called doc after doc after doc, and I was getting
nowhere. Some numbers on the list where wrong, some were fax machines, some had
terribly rude receptionists, one receptionist asked me why I needed to see the
doctor, and when I said, “depression…….and some issues with ADHD, I
guess”; her response was, “Oh, he doesn’t treat that”
What? What the what? Okeeeee…. moving on. One only specialized
in substance abuse, another in geriatrics (I was too young, go figure), one
doctor whom I was actually able to find a review on, now practices two states
over; and then there was the one with whom I spoke to directly, and it wasn’t
until I gave him every last detail about me that he realized I was calling
about his practice in the county that I live in rather than a neighboring one.
Unfortunately he isn’t seeing new patients in my county. I also skipped around
on the list, picking and choosing friendly names. Silly, I know but the names
were all I had to go on and well, I don’t know how to say this without sounding
a bit prejudice, which I am soooo not, so I’ll just say it very plainly as, I
prefer the doctor with whom I am going to spend a lot of time communicating
with, to have english as their first language. No disrespect intended but if I
can’t understand the accent how can they help me? So I skipped quite a few
names until they were all that was left.
Four hours later, I still haven’t found a doctor and I am hurting
and uncomfortable and realizing that these weird pins and needles/prickling
thing was getting worse the more I agonized over finding a damn doctor. And it
isn’t just pins and needles, its worse; it’s like a million needles trying to
escape my body all at once. In my arms, my hands, my cheeks, my lips, and on
the back of my neck.
So yeah I think I may be part hedgehog. Don’t they get all sharp
and prickly when they are agitated??