Just call me Jiji

…me, just pretending to be me ….now, where did I put that cape??

Archive for the tag “insurance”

I think I may be part Hedgehog

I just figured out something new in the world of; whatever the
frak is wrong with me.

When I get agitated, frustrated, or upset my quills come out. At
least that’s what it feels like,

…only my quills aren’t fine little hairs that stand on end. My
quills are invisible and feel like really long sharp needles attached to nerve
endings that are slowly trying to make their way out from under my skin.

I know sounds horrible; imagine how it feels!

I’ve come to this conclusion based on the day’s activities and the
reaction it caused.

Hubby’s insurance plan is a real sucky one! We have a $2,400 detuctable
that we need to meet at the beginning of each year for our in-network service
plan. We are generally broke for the first 3 months of the year, because all
our money goes to the insurance company for all the meds Leon and I take on a
daily basis.

Well if that isn’t bad enough, our insurance plan demands another
$2,4oo for any Out-of-Network services. So why don’t we stay in network?
Because we can’t find a damn In-network doctor to see us. And by us I mean Leon
and I.

Leon needs a therapist, as well as a social skills group. I have
found two doctors that come very highly recommended, BUT… they are of course
Out-of-Network. Then there is me. Woe is me.

At my doctor visit yesterday with my primary care doctor, I was
advised to seek psychiatric care…. oh and here is a new prescription for even
more meds. In case anyone is keeping score that’s 10 pills a day. As my friend
Kim said “my mom doesn’t even take that many”

It’s frustrating; however, the advice isn’t wrong. I think getting
psychiatric help would be a plus, providing I can find one that I am
comfortable with. I think I definitely do need to speak with a therapist to
help me untangle this life that seems to have gotten completely out of control,
and if that person can also help me reduce the amount of medication I am taking
that would be excellent.

So today I printed out the list of in-network doctors that are in
a 10 mile radius. I was on a roll, and getting things done today. I was pretty
proud of myself for not putting it off. It was time to do some research, I hate
the idea of randomly picking out a doctor that is going to be picking my brain
and telling me who I am, from a list. I much prefer to have a recommendation
from a friend or a referral from a doctor. Unfortunately I am the only crazy
person among my friends so no help there, and as for doctor referrals… well
let’s just say that apparently none of the “good” doctors take my
insurance. So it was between me and the computer to decide who I would choose. Unfortunately
the computer was no help AT ALL! I was hoping to find some reviews on the
doctors on the list to help me choose. Ummmm, Yea, No!

As the time passed and I hit road block after road block I got
more and more frustrated. I called doc after doc after doc, and I was getting
nowhere. Some numbers on the list where wrong, some were fax machines, some had
terribly rude receptionists, one receptionist asked me why I needed to see the
doctor, and when I said, “depression…….and some issues with ADHD, I
guess”; her response was, “Oh, he doesn’t treat that”

What? What the what? Okeeeee…. moving on. One only specialized
in substance abuse, another in geriatrics (I was too young, go figure), one
doctor whom I was actually able to find a review on, now practices two states
over; and then there was the one with whom I spoke to directly, and it wasn’t
until I gave him every last detail about me that he realized I was calling
about his practice in the county that I live in rather than a neighboring one.
Unfortunately he isn’t seeing new patients in my county. I also skipped around
on the list, picking and choosing friendly names. Silly, I know but the names
were all I had to go on and well, I don’t know how to say this without sounding
a bit prejudice, which I am soooo not, so I’ll just say it very plainly as, I
prefer the doctor with whom I am going to spend a lot of time communicating
with, to have english as their first language. No disrespect intended but if I
can’t understand the accent how can they help me? So I skipped quite a few
names until they were all that was left.

Four hours later, I still haven’t found a doctor and I am hurting
and uncomfortable and realizing that these weird pins and needles/prickling
thing was getting worse the more I agonized over finding a damn doctor. And it
isn’t just pins and needles, its worse; it’s like a million needles trying to
escape my body all at once. In my arms, my hands, my cheeks, my lips, and on
the back of my neck.

So yeah I think I may be part hedgehog. Don’t they get all sharp
and prickly when they are agitated??

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So much to do… so little time

tinkerbellkitchenBusy, busy, busy…

I feel as if I am always busy, always trying to accomplish something, finish something, start something, organize something, or clean something. Yet none of it ever seems to get done?

There are the things I don’t really want to do, but I have to do; like cleaning up the house, and grocery shopping. I am very very lucky in that Ron helps out around the house A LOT. I mean A LOT, a lot! And for that I am very, very grateful but I often feel guilty, embarrassed even. I love that he is so good to me and helps me out so much because of my Fibro, but sometimes I secretly wish he wouldn’t talk about it so openly to everyone else. Like when someone calls and asks what he’s up to and rattles off a list of household chores that he is planning on doing. Granted he is doing it to alleviate me and keep me from doing so much that I get a bad flare-up. But not everyone remembers that. I am the SAHM, I am the one who is supposed to be taking care of the household while he brings home the bacon, (although I do bring in some bacon). So I try to keep up with the house as much as I can on a daily basis. I hate when he gets home from a long day at work and sees the house is a mess and feels he has to clean it up even when I insist he leaves it because I will get to it.

It seems I just can’t ever get it all done. Having my 18 month old niece (whom I babysit on a daily basis) running around undoing everything I do gets exhausting. I feel like I am never, never done cleaning. It seems like while I am busy cleaning up one mess she is busy making another. My day pretty much consists of me sweeping up after her 2 or 3 times a day (she’s got a good arm, I’ve seen her fling chicken clear into the next room); mopping up spills, feeding her, changing diapers, picking up her toys over and over and over  again, all while trying to keep her entertained at the same time. By the time I am finally done and ready to hand her over to her mom, it’s time to pick Leon up from camp. Now my attention is turned to him. Given his ADHD and his need for things to be just so and for immediate gratification, life gets even more demanding and exhausting. I am his mom, his playmate, his personal chef, his maid, his sounding board, and his entertainer. By the time Ron gets home there’s a new mess to clean up and I am exhausted mentally and physically. With all the running around I do all day I end up with nothing to show for it. I HATE THAT!

Then there are the things I need to do but have a hard time accomplishing it. Like finding a good doctor for Leon to manage his ADHD/ODD meds that won’t cost us a fortune. This week alone I have spent about 6 hours on the phone between doctors and insurance, and CSE just trying to get what Leon needs. And I still have NOTHING to show for it. I need to find a child psychiatrist that works with children with ADHD/ODD and takes my insurance. I also want to get Leon in a social skills class. That should not be too much to ask, right?. Wrong. I started with calling MDs that were recommended to me by other MDs and parents of children with ADHD. That didn’t work. Then I called the insurance company and got a list of names. Most of the doctors are too far away, or don’t take my insurance anymore and the rest have yet to return my phone call. All that time and aggravation and still nothing! The MDs that come so highly recommended and don’t take my insurance or any insurance are unbelievably expensive. One quoted $675 for the first initial visit and $190 for every once a month visit there after. The one that CSE was helpful enough to recommend is in Manhattan and would give me a discounted rate of $200 (instead of $400) per visit –  Add the commute by train or gas and tolls, not to mention travel tome – it’s a steal! NOT!!! My insurance will cover 80% of what they consider  is reasonable and customary for out of network costs but only after we meet an additional$2300 out of network deductable.  So given the options the next step is to find a neurologist in network that has knowledge of children with ADHD. Hopefully this will go better.

I also feel I need to find a way to make more money. The obvious choice would be to get a job, but I already have a job – two in fact. my #1 job is as Leonsmom. Being a mom is an extremely hard yet fulfilling job. Being a mom to a child with special needs, a child who is disabled is a bit harder (and still equally fulfilling). My second job is helping my sister out by providing childcare for my niece (and for those of you who know me well and know my sister – you all know how difficult that can be).  Up until recently I was providing childcare to another little girl. But that ended in May around the time Leon was having so much difficulty with his ADHD. At the time I was fine with her leaving because I really needed to focus on Leon and what was going on with him. But now that things have settled a bit, we are really feeling a loss of that income. Idealy I would like to find another child to care for but I want to wait till school starts for that. In the meantime I want to find a way to earn some money for the little extras we want to do this summer like camping and waterparks and cub scout activities and our trip to Disney at the end of next month. The trip itself is all paid for already (less than $100 a day for all 3 of us including tickets, airfare, and hotel – can’t beat that!) but we still have to eat. Some things I’d like to do in the hopes of making some extra money is have a garage sale, collect empty cans for deposits, and create tie dye Mickey shirts to sell. I just don’t know where to find the time?  

Lastly are the things that I want to do, but just can’t seem to start, or if I do start them I just can’t seem to finish ’em. For lack of time, or funds, or talent, or whatever. Like have the garage sale or make the tie dye mickey shirts (not just to sell but for our trip as well). I also want to create some iron on designs for our trip.I want to find time to actually sit down and plan out our Disney trip and what we are going to do there. I want to put together an ADHD binder, with all the information that I have collected about this disorder and how it pertains to Leon. I also want to write up a detailed history of Leon’s ADHD in a handout that I can just give to whatever new doctor will be treating him. Something I can keep updated through out his life for whatever come up. I want to put my pictures together and make scrapbooks rather than just leave them in my computer.  Additionally I want to find time to blog. I want to blog about how well Leon is doing since being completely off the Zoloft, and about how our summer is going and the camping trip we just took, and my plans for Disney, I want to blog about the results of Leon’s assessment with the amazing Dr. Petrosky, and my hopes (and fears) for our CSE meeting. right now I am using Kiera’s nap to write this instead of making calls or cleaning 😦    And I want to do so so much more……

I have to…,

                       I need to…,

                                                 I want to…

                                                                   …but when???

 

There is some GOOD news. Ron and Leon are going to be away for the weekend on a Cub Scout camping trip, and I will be home all by my lonesome. I can not wait!! I plan to unplug the phone, blast the music, dance in my underwear, paint my nails, and oh yeah, one or two of the things listed above 🙂

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