Just call me Jiji

…me, just pretending to be me ….now, where did I put that cape??

Archive for the tag “marriage”

I Nominate; My Superman

I recently found this on  ellen ;

Nominate the Amazing Person in Your Life…

Do you know an amazing person who could use Ellen’s help? We want to hear about them! Tell us all about the most deserving person you know, and how Ellen can rock their world. Maybe it’s a family member or spouse who always puts your needs before their own, a neighbor who has changed your community for the better, or even a teacher who goes above and beyond with your kids. This season, Ellen’s gonna keep giving back!
Read more: http://ellen.warnerbros.com/show/respond/?PlugID=433#ixzz1RH3DUlaq

So I decided to nominate My Superman!

Dear Ellen,

I love you and I love your show. You and your show always make my day! You are just so genuine, with a hugely generous nature. You have a way of making people feel comfortable and at ease; like spending time with a really good friend.

Well good friend, I’d like to share something with you about my family, about my husband in particular.

His name is Ron, he is a handsome devil, a smooth talker with an odd sense of humor, a sci-fi geek, who rocks my world, and keeps things balanced in our lives. And he is the most giving and amazing man I know. He always puts the needs of our family before his own.  When I met Ron, he became the man who renewed my faith in hope. In short he is my Superhero.

My family consists of Ron (39), myself (42), and our son, Leon (8)

We have a good life, NOT an easy one, but a good one, because we have each other. Things have always been tough on us financially, and we always seem to muddle through whatever life throws at us, either on our own or with help from our extended family. And for this we have always been truly grateful.

We all do our best to make the most of our lives. But no one works harder than my husband to provide and take care of our little family. I try and do my best too, but I have so many limitations, that I fear he often gets the short end of the stick.

Both my son and I suffer from disabilities that require regular doctor visits and a lot of very expensive medication between the both of us. My son has severe ADHD/ODD and I suffer from Fibromyalgia. We have a HUGE deductible on our medical insurance and given our individual medical needs it is necessary for us to come up with a LARGE sum of money in a very small amount of time at the beginning of each year. He barely makes enough money that we can usually get by living paycheck to paycheck with just enough left over to cover and enjoy the little things like the movies or Cub Scout fees for our son.  But when the big bills come in, that’s when we really struggle.

This year, so far, has really tested Ron’s limits.  Ron’s car died, and while we managed to get by with only one car for a few months we did eventually have to buy a second used car, which is already in need of repair.

In addition to our financial stress, Ron has had to take on additional parenting duties, above and beyond all the amazing things he already does with and for our son, due to the decline in my health this year.

No matter what comes our way, Ron does everything he can to make things right again. He really is a good man, and he puts his all into everything he does. As a husband he is just amazing, not only does he work hard in the office every day, but he comes home to take care of a majority of the household duties, when I can’t, due to my disability; and he still makes time to be a Den Leader in Leon’s Cub Scout troop and spend quality time with him.

Lately though, it seems as if life has really been testing Ron’s limits. My husband’s normally optimistic outlook on life seems to be dimming. Right now, Ron feels as if we just can’t get a break and that everything is getting thrown at him all at once and he just can’t get ahead. Some days I look at him and he just looks so terribly defeated, like someone had just drained him of all his energy. It kills me to see him this way.

This is a man who truly deserves a break. Not only is he an amazing husband and father but he is also a genuinely GOOD MAN!

Ellen, PLEASE help me make my husband’s life just a little bit easier.

Here we are at his sister’s wedding, which also happens to be our wedding anniversary. (I am the one with the pink hair 🙂 )

Me and my Superman!

EDITTED ON Jan 19th 2012 to add:

Hey Ellen,

Being that this IS your birthday-month; I wanted to share with you that May is my husband’s birthday month. In fact, this year he turns 40 on May 13, 2012.

You know incase the SWAGGIN WAGON is in NY around that time???

That’s a hint…. you know incase you didn’t catch it.

Love ya Ellen!!

And my Superman!!!

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The truth about housework, sex, and fibromyalgia

I like sex. Most people like sex. Some people like it more than others and some don’t like it at all.

I cannot speak for everyone, but I am pretty sure that the majority of people tend to experience a more frequent and active sex life in their younger years.

As life goes on, it seems as if, frequency, activity levels, and even desire seem to fade.  Some even feel that, it is marriage that does it. I personally don’t think it is marriage that does it, it’s just plain ol’ life that get’s in the way. Too much work, too much stress, not enough time, not enough privacy (kids around), too tired, and for some folks like me, something like illness or disability can get in the way too.

Fibro flares have a number of different triggers. Physical activity and exerting one’s self is one of those triggers. And let’s face it if you are not physically exerting yourself in the bedroom then maybe you aren’t doing it right.

So suffice it to say that my fibromyalgia has the potential to ruin my love life.  In fact for a time it really did. With flare-ups and the exhaustion and pain that come with it, something always has to give. That is just a fact of fibromyalgia.

With fibro too many things get put to the back burner. Projects and activities I want to plan and do rarely get further than being just an idea in my addled brain. The energy to do the everyday things in life, like housecleaning or even personal maintenance has to be sparingly doled out. Too many things get pushed to the side, with the intention of getting to it eventually.

The time, attention, and affection we give to the people we love, should not be one of those things that get pushed aside, or put on the back burner. But because the people we love, know us so well, and are more understanding of our limitations they often bear the brunt of it.

At the beginning of this year Ron and I had a moment to sit back and talk about how much we missed each other. Which would not be so strange if it were not for the fact that we were the first and last person that each of us saw and spoke to each day.  What we missed was the physical attention we gave to one another.

Yes, we were talking about sex, but not just about sex. We also missed the little touches in between. The touch on the shoulder, the arm around the waist, the holding hands, the kisses and the occasional butt squeeze, and yes, the sex that many of those things could eventually lead too. Where did all those things go?

We had plenty of excuses; too stressed, no time, too tired, too busy, no energy, too many body aches, too much to do right now, too much to do tomorrow.

Granted these excuses fit anyone and everyone, fibro or no fibro. But unless you have a trapeze in your bedroom, how many people have to worry that a night of sexual activity might put them out of commission for the following day or two?

And that is without the trapeze in our bed room 😉

Our talk led to the promise we made to each other. Which was to make more of an effort to be more physically attentive with one another on a daily basis. To snuggle on the couch instead of sit at opposite ends of it, to kiss more often, and hold hands when our hands are free. To rest a hand on each other or give a little squeeze when then opportunity presented itself. And yes, to make time for sex, even if it has to be scheduled in.

So we’ve kept our promise. We have made more time for just the two of us. We have a monthly date night scheduled. And we  are a lot more physically attentive to one another, both in and out of the bedroom.

I’ve got to say, life is a lot sweeter and happier in the arms of the person I live and breathe for.

The only downside is that, the energy that goes into the physical activities in the bedroom tends to trigger a fibro flare in me.

And with fibro flares, something always has to give. Fibromyalgia could be riuining my sex/love life. but we REFUSE to let it!

So please excuse my filthy house; but if you had to make a choice between making love or housework, what would you choose? 🙂

…and so what, if I can’t function at 100% the next day or two, at least I have a smile on face,as I am trying to figure out how I am going to catch up with life that is still proceeding on with out me.

TMI????

My Valentine, My Superman

Happy Valentine’s Day to All!

….But especially to my husband and my son.

 
It is because of my husband and son,
that I am a heartless woman.
Ron has one half of my heart,
and Leon has the other half.
 
 

 

 

I fell in love with Ron almost immediately. Our blind date was part fairytale, part racy novel. We walked, we talked, we watched some videos (yes back then it was videos, not DVDs), we kissed, we talked for hours on end; with some more kissing in between, we felt sparks and acted upon them, we had brunch, we walked and talked some more on the beach, we went to a movie and he drove me home. We did all of that in one date; one very long first date – 36 hours to be exact. And we have been together ever since.

I started falling in love with him on that first date. A few days later, I told Andrea, the friend who had arranged our blind date, that I was going to marry this man. And I was not wrong.

I fell in love with him because he was a good kisser, a great listener, imaginative, smart, caring, passionate, sensitive, interesting, spontaneous and good (at a lot of things). And because he made me feel special.

After almost 11 years of marriage a lot has changed in our lives. But not the way I feel about him.  We’ve been married long enough to have had a few ups and downs, but through it all we have always loved one another. That is no surprise to me, it goes without saying; because I know deep within my heart and without a doubt that Ron was made especially for me.

What surprises me, and catches me off guard sometimes, is those moments when I fall in love with him all over again. If only because, I didn’t think our love could get any bigger.

It’s happening right now, in fact. Over the past couple of months I have watched him care for our son and for me like he never has had to before; and it has me falling in love with him all over again.

This self-proclaimed SuperMom has found her kryptonite. It is  the combination of record-breaking cold temperatures and snow with my fibromyalgia. It has kept me immobile and either on the couch or in my bed for months. I’ve had to reluctantly, and with much guilt and despair, hand over my title of SuperMom to him.

He’s had to become SuperDad. Not that he wasn’t a super dad before, but this winter; this New Year so far, can not, and has not been easy on him. In the wake of me having to check out for a while he has had to step up big time. And boy has he ever!

He has had to be the one to get up with Leon when I can’t get out of bed (and right now that’s been 9 times out of 10, instead of the other way around); he’s been the one to get him showered and dressed, make his breakfast, remembers to give him his meds and packs his lunch and then gets him on the bus in the morning. Then he goes off to work for eight hours. When he gets home I am no better than when my day started. It’s gone beyond the usual discomfort and/or pain which was bad enough already, but not only has the intensity of the pain increased but the fatigue and the loss of energy has me so incapacitated that I can barely participate in life right now. I know that the weather is a major contributor to this change in my life but I suspect that my age and my changing hormones might be messing me up too. What ever the reason, the result is has been less than desirable. Rather than Ron and I working to care for our family together: Ron has had to take on the brunt of the responsibilities in caring not only for Leon, but for me as well.

And while I feel lousy about all of this, I can’t help but feel as if I am falling in love with Ron all over again, and again, and again!

He’s not just my Valentine, He’s my Superman!!

 

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What’s so special about today?

It’s Ron and my 9 year wedding anniversary today, and with all that has been going on we all but forgot to celebrate. It’s been a rough couple of weeks and things just keep piling on. I’m emotionally and mentally spent with all that’s been going on with Leon because things are continuing to escalate with him. Ron is stressed over work both in the office and at home. Like I said it’s been a rough couple of weeks. We’ve had bad days before and we’ll have bad days again. So today, on our anniversary we barely mumbled Happy Anniversary to one another. I’m okay with that though, because today is just a day like any other day.

I mean really, what is so special about today? It just a plain old Thursday, a Thursday that just happens to be 108 months after Ron and I said I do.  That’s 469 weeks or 3,287 days ago. Wow! We have been married for 3,287 days! That’s a lot of days. I can’t say that every single one of them was great. Like I said we’ve had plenty of bad days, Ron has had bad days and I have had bad days, together and separately. Some how we always have been there for one another unconditionally – if it happens to him, it happens to me and vice versa.  And one thing I can say for sure, is that there have been many, many, many more good days then there have been bad. Both the good and the bad times have made us that much stronger and that much more in love with one another.

We’ve been married for 78,900 hours and while we haven’t spent every single one of those 4,734,034 minutes of that time together I have loved every single 284,042,097 second of it!!!

So what’s so special about today?

EVERYTHING!

 

 i love you, ron!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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