Just call me Jiji

…me, just pretending to be me ….now, where did I put that cape??

Archive for the tag “Photo Blog”

Click it… PLEASE

Hi,
I entered Leon in a Cute Kid contest and his photo was selected.
Now I am reaching out to everyone I know; we need votes people! Lots and lots of votes.

Please take a minute to click the link below and vote for Leon – (future Tommy Hilfiger Model).

And if you could help pass the word and ask everyone you know to do the same, we would be ever so grateful.

Thanks!

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Picking up the Pieces

So my previous post was a bit DESPERATE, don’t you think?

I was in a pretty pathetic and desperate state of mind.

But today is another day and I’ve got some repairs to make.

I am happy to say I slept a good 10 hours that night. Something I definitely needed. Not napping created the crash and burn effect I needed to restart my clock. I’ve been eating better and taking my meds ON TIME, and at least TRYING to get on a better if not normal sleep schedule.

The morning after was tough and slow going. I had a very heavy patch of brain fog going on and it lasted quite a while too. But that was to be expected and I just made my way through it.

When life gets you down do you wanna know what you’ve gotta do? Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. - Dory, ” Finding Nemo “

When I woke up the next morning, I decided to take a ME DAY!

…and now I am thinking maybe it’s more like a ME WEEK. ….or 2 ….ish.

I really need to pick up some pieces and get back on track. Because believe it or not I was somewhat on track. Really, I was! December went fairly well for me in terms of getting things done.

As the holidays approached, I was able to Christmas shop, get my house back together, decorate, and celebrate with family and friends, but not without the HUGE, HUGE, HUGE help I got from Ron. (…and Leon too). Thank you, my loves!

All the clutter found a home or else it went into the trash. We cleared away piles of stuff that we really did not need any longer. And while there was/is still more work to be done, we were able to make our living space, livable and our workspace, workable again.

We decorated the house and the beautiful Christmas tree that Ron and Leon went out and chopped down, during the Annual Oldfield Christmas Tree Hunt. The house was finally a warm and welcoming place again. Everything looked so beautiful and inviting. AND PEACEFUL.

The lights are my least favorite part of decorating the tree

Awww fiddlesticks - half the tree lights don't work

We spent Christmas Eve at home with our family, both Ron’s and mine came for dinner (17 of us in total). And the thing that amazed me the most about it was how relaxed I felt. Tired, but relaxed.  Finally!!!

I love taking out my china for the holidays, it makes me feel like I'm almost a grown-up.

Can you see the tree in the next room?

I realized it was because my house was full of the people I love and who love me, AND because Ron and I had put so much effort into putting order back into our home.

Santa Ron!

My Family

My loveys

Like mother, like daughter

She's waiting for Omi to cave, an hand over the chocolate.

You blow boy!!! In a good way!

The Angel and the Devil, but which is which?

Cheers!

Cheers!

Cousins!

Much of the week that followed Christmas, was spent relaxing in the glow of the Christmas lights, watching Leon play with all his new toys. We spent some time visiting with family, Leon got to go ice skating (can you imagine me on skates, HA!), and we took our traditional trip into NYC to see the tree in Rockefeller Center and check out the Christmas Window Displays.  We ended our winter break and the year at the home of a dear friend watching the Doctor Who marathon. It was a wonderful little staycation for all of us, and it certainly ended the year nicely.

Leon and like a third of Grandma's Christmas Village

Our Tree! The lights flying off to the side are actually being pulled by Santa in his sleigh and his 8 tiny reindeer.

Leon and his Christmas haul! It was a very Merry Skylander Christmas!

Now in the midst of all that activity, I had made one big mistake. I ran out of refills for my Cymbalta and kept forgetting to contact the doctor’s office. So for about a week-ish leading up to when I completely snapped (see previous post) I was off meds.  No wonder I had been such a WRECK! – DUH!

But NOW, I AM doing better,

So to those of you who reached out, THANK YOU! AND I LOVE YOU TOO!

I am feelin’ better, so no worries. But I need to take some ME TIME.

So…   I am not ignoring you. I am just under repairs,     ….and probably not answering the phone,    …or emails.

But I loves ya!!

Oh and Happy Christmas, Season’s Greetings and a Joyful New Year to all!

Ahhh, just another ADHD conversation.

Me: Leon!!!! Why is there a bath towel STUFFED into the toilet bowl!!!!!!!

Leon: What, it’s not my fault! I dropped my glasses in there!

Me: !@#%@#!!!

Ahhh, just another ADHD conversation.

He's just lucky he's so damn beautiful

Getting My Artsy Fartsy On

I love handmade things and I love being creative. My latest obsession in regards to getting my artsy fartsy on is Etsy. For those of you unfamiliar with www.etsy.com I strongly recommend you take a peek. I first discovered Etsy back in 2008 while planning my sister’s baby shower. I was looking for ideas and inspiration, and I found plenty!

Weddings Products are huge on Etsy too. I found tons of inspiration for my sister-in-law’s wedding there.

These are some of the items I’ve made  for Suzie & Eddie’s wedding;

Bride Hanger for the special once in a life time gown

Wedding Signature Board in use.

Wedding Signature Board Personalized with Initials and Wedding Date

Wedding Signature Board close-up

The Toasting Glasses I made especially for Suzie and Edwin

Mr. & Mrs. Chair Signs (which I personally love love love because they can be repurposed after the wedding as wall decoration, mail baskets, etc. )

And the Mr. & Mrs. in person

My favorite creation, the personalized Cake Topper

...and with the date on the back

I was very excited to see it all put together so nicely

One of my New Year’s Resolutions involves me getting my Artsy Fartsy on in 2012. And getting it onto Etsy.

So get ready for some more coming soon

Nine Years Old and Already Breaking Hearts

A couple of days ago Leon came home from school and I could tell he wasn’t himself. Well not his, get off the bus and get the homework done right away, to get it out-of-the-way, so he can watch TV and play, self.

His ODD was in full force and rearing its ugly head. Everything was an argument or a fight, he asked for things he knew I would disagree to and then would have a huge fit when he would hear the word no. He lashed out, got fresh, and as a result he had to suffer the consequences of his actions. The consequences in this case being no video games for the rest of the day, including his newest addition to his collection; Skylanders.  He had just gotten it for his birthday the week before and was becoming obsessive about it. I felt he needed a break from it. Which he did. But the storm that came after that, resulted in a huge temper tantrum. There was yelling and crying, and screaming and runny noses, and soberly “i hate you’s”, and “i hate myself”, and “i just want to be left alone”, and screaming into pillows, and pinching and scratching at himself, and me grabbing a hold of him in my arms to cradle him and love him and keep him from physically hurting himself.

Phew! I see more and more of myself in this child every day! Memories and things long forgotten and tucked away in the far back of my mind. And now as I watch him go through so many of the things I went through in my own childhood (things that had made me feel “wrong”); and now to see him go through it, and not know how to deal with the intense emotions that come with it,  just kills me. I only hope that I can parlay my understanding and feelings to him based on what I have already gone through and cushion the blow even just a little. Let him know, he is NOT alone, there are others who understand, who get it, who have the same difficulties and differences.

This poor child carries the strain of always having to restrain and keep in check his natural ADHD impulses to do his own thing, his own way, while he is in school all day and for just long enough after school to get his homework done. The meds that he is on helps him to do that, and for all intense purposes work great, but some days are a bit more challenging than others. Sometimes the smallest monkey wrench puts a crimp in his day and throws him completely off course. It could be anything, maybe his schedule was unexpectedly interrupted, maybe he isn’t feeling well or maybe someone said or did something that he just can’t get off of his mind. What ever it is, it can cause the storm described above…

and below….

Leon: MOM! I am having a REALLY bad day! All I want is to come home and relax by playing my new game and you won’t even let me, And I am just really really stressed (pleading now, with tears running down his cheeks) PLEEEASE let me play with my Skylanders I just need to forget today happened!! Pleease!!! I DON’T WANT to go to fencing, I just want to RELAX!!! and I can’t do that if I can’t play my game!!

ME: (cradling my poor sobbing little boy whose trying desperately to sway me into changing my mind about taking away his video game privileges as a result of consequential behavior) I know you are upset, Leon. I am sorry that this hurts your feelings, but you know the rules if you get nasty with mommy you lose certain privileges and telling me you feel too sick to go fencing but just fine to play video games is not going to cut it.

Leon: I’m sooorrrrrry! I won’t do it again. Pllllllleeeeeeaaaassssseeee can I play my game. I had a bad day and besides I got some bad news at school and I am stressed about it! I just neeeeeeeeeed to playayayayay my GAME!

ME: What bad news? Do you want to tell me about it.

Leon: I just don’t want to talk about it OKAY!!! (screaming) Just let me PLAY!!!!!!

ME: eh, there is that tone again. (remaining as calm as any parent who just wants to strangle their beautiful child can)  Lets just try to stay calm and talk things out and we can see were we go from there.

Leon: If you knew this bad news you’d know why I am so stressed!

ME: So tell me about it

Leon: I don’t want to

ME: Okay you don’t have to tell me. But I am a little worried, can you tell me if it’s bad news about you?

Leon: no

ME: is a teacher involved?

Leon: no

Me: a friend?

Leon: yeah…

Me: did someone get hurt or sick?

Leon: no it’s not like that, it’s, it’s it’s just to horrible to say, I’ll write it down.

Me: (a little concerned now…. takes the folded up paper from his hand – reads his scribble and…..) (SMILE) Leon, is this what is upsetting you so much?

Leon: yes!

The note says: ” _________ has a crush on me! (It’s shocking!)”

ME: (inner voice) AWWWWW how freaking cute!!!!!!!!! (outer voice) This is flattering news, it should make you feel good about yourself. _____ is a very nice girl and she obviously has good taste. Don’t look at this as a bad thing, think of it as a good thing. I thought you liked ______.

Leon: I do! but I don’t want a crush, I want a friend!!!!

ME: All you have to do is just tell her that.

We talked a bit more about how he came to this knowledge….

Leon: Her friend came and told me, and then _____ said she was too embarrassed to tell me herself.

ME: what did you say?

Leon: nothing, I just fainted!

Ah the complexities of a fourth grader.

Today he came home in all smiles, we talked a bit before my bronchitis sent me back to sleep and he had a very nice evening playing with his dad.

I had asked him if he had spoken to ______. 

Leon: yeah, I told her that I didn’t feel the same way about her, and I asked her if we could still be friends. and she said yes.

Alls well that ends well!

I just hope ______  is okay! I mean who can blame her? My kid has always been a looker…… 

and he is an AMAZING KID to boot.

SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

You scream, I scream, we all screeeeeam…

That’s it nothing else, we all just scream

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!!!!!!!!!!!

Back when I was young, about a million trillion years ago, I had a small group of people I hung  out with in high school, and  we had a brilliant way of dealing with stress.

We would get in the car and drive down to the beach at top speed with all the windows down
and just SCREAM at the top of our lungs.

I can’t tell you how good that felt!! It was amazing!!

I long for a good long scream

I NEED a good long scream!!!

Anyone want to go have a scream with me?????

{ Just FYI – This scream was brought to you by the letters N-O-T & H-A-P-P-Y  and is courtesy of my first impression of the new school psychologist – which is condescending, major-interuptus-not-listen-to-us, and blechy)

“I LOVE my Feral little child.”

Early in the morning through bleary eyes, I peer out across the sun lit room at my child, and a grin slowly forms on my lips as I think to myself;

I LOVE my Feral little child.”

Sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing only his PJ bottoms, with his fuzzy blanket draped around him like an animal skin of sorts, with his long, wild and crazy hair all messed up and draped over his shoulders; he really does look like a feral child!!

He looked back at me, and I fully expected him to say “Me Leon, You Mommy, Me hunt and gather food, You wait here.” instead I got “Mooooom, I am huuuuungreeeeeey!” To which I replied, “Me Mommy, me tired, go now, ask your father to forage for food”; his reply … “you’re weird!”

Yes, yes I am!

I later opened up my laptop to look up the meaning behind “feral child” , I wanted to be sure I was thinking of the right word. Wikipedia not only spit out the meaning, but provided a picture in example as well:

Oh look!! It’s a picture of my very own sweet child!

It looks just like him!!!  At least I think it does.

It’s fitting though, and not just because he looks like a feral child with his hair all tangled, and mussed up, going in all different directions. But also, because he is a wild child at heart. And I mean that in the best possible way.

He certainly dances to the beat of his own drummer. As I’ve often maintained, he is a strong-willed child with a mind of his own, and once it is made up there is no changing it.

Such as it is with his long luscious locks, which I am happy to say, we have learned to tame (somewhat anyway).

He made up his mind to grow his hair long just short of 2 years ago in January of 2010, I remember the date because I blogged about it here.

It was late in January when he came home all excited about doing the Math-a-thon to raise money for St Jude Children’s’ Hospital and helping other kids his own age, who were sick with cancer. It was on that day that he asked if he could donate his hair to the kids at St. Judes. When we told him he would have to have a lot more hair than what had just recently grown out from his mohawk, he said he didn’t mind at all.

Leon in Disney sporting his blue mohawk

Leon's Hair as it was the day he came home and declared he was donating his hair to a kid like him with cancer

I also told him that it would probably take him a few years before he would have enough to donate. It didn’t phase him one bit. Both Ron and I  were pretty proud of him for wanting to do this, but we also thought it would not last. Boy were we wrong. It’s been two years and he still has an inch or two more to grow before he can donate it. Despite being picked on and teased in summer camp, and consistently being called a  girl by strangers, he is more determined than ever to reach his goal.

We’ve come a long way….

   He is such a beautiful child, it is no wonder strangers call him a girl

In the end it will be so worth it. And that long hair suits him, it suits his personality. And yes he does occasionally look like a feral child, possibly raised by monkeys. It was after all just yesterday that I caught my wild little child in the act of standing on his chair in the pizzeria attempting to swing on the lamp that hung above his table. But no matter how wild my little child gets or looks, he will always be MY little wild child!

“I LOVE my Feral little child.”

It’s my party and I can run myself into the ground if I want too!!!!

With this year being as difficult as it has been, doing something I truly enjoy hasn’t been much of an option.

One of the things I really enjoy doing is planning something special and hosting parties for special occasions and holidays. Traditionally, we host big Christmas and Easter celebrations for our family of 17 every year with special extras like traditional Weinachts Teller and Easter Egg Scavenger Hunts, birthdays of course are also real big here, and I plan big too complete with banners, balloons, and birthday fairies. Then there are the smaller  holidays and events that I try to make fun and memorable, like New Years Eve where Leon gets to stay up late and bang pots and pans at midnight; Valentine’s Day where we decorate the windows and make heart cakes; St. Patty’s Day where Leon leaves out a decorated treasure box at night for the Leprechauns to fill with gold and greenery; the last day of school where we have a big get-together in our yard complete with wet and wild summer activities to welcome summer vacation; 4th of July BBQ, which Ron has been hosting for 20 + years; Halloween… etc… etc… etc..  .

But due to all my health issues this year, I just haven’t had it in me to make these special events happen, I even had to cancel Easter at the last minute this year because I was too, too sick to make it happen, and that is saying a lot. I was so incredibly disappointed in myself. And for as much as everyone reassured me that it wasn’t a big deal. It WAS a big deal to ME! I loooove hosting the holidays, it was a big letdown for me and I lost out on doing something that makes me happy doing it. Even the Leprechauns made a poor appearance this year because I just could not do it.

Leon always looks forward to the backyard party we have on the last day of school and I was not about to disappoint him or myself. I knew full well that I would pay for it in the end, and that it probably would end up being a bit too much for me, but there was no way I was not going to have our year end “Welcome Summer Party” for Leon and his friends (and for me and my friends too).

The invites went out, and the responses came in. As the date came closer I started to have some doubts. Every day has been a painful one for me at some point during the course of it. There was no reason to believe that this day was going to be any different. I wondered if I would make it through my own party without excusing myself to take a nap. I started begging Ron to take the day off so he could help me get through it (that was unfair of me I know).While he could not take the day off, he did go above and beyond in helping me turn this hoarders paradise back into a home.

Leon’s last day of school was a half day on June 25th. I spent the morning rushing around and breaking a sweat as I was working hard to get the yard ready for 20 + kids and 10 + moms; that I had absolutely no time to wallow in the pain.

It was a really great day, despite the threat of rain. The kids arrived with their moms and headed straight for the water slide, while us mom’s headed straight for the Coconut Pineapple Mohitos.

I didn’t get to sit in a chair for any good length of time with all the running around I had to choose to do. I had a bunch of fun summer activities planned.

While we waited for the rest of the guests to arrive, the kids jumped from pool to pool and discovered the big box of prefilled water squirters.

Once all the guests arrived we picked teams for the water balloon fight. The kids had a BLAST!

There where plenty of other activities for the kids as well.

Like jumping on the trampoline;

playing with Lego;

drawing with chalk;

 building a castle;

 huddling together in pop up tents;

and just all around having fun with good friends.

It was tons of work to put it all together and keep things rolling! By the time I finally able to really take a seat and relax; I was exhausted and in pain. The pricklies on my arms were feeling hot and hurtin, and my legs were heavy and aching pretty bad. As the party was winding down I was dreading the worst part of the party, and that is the clean up. All the work to get it together and only a few hours later it needs to all be broken down again. I was NOT up for it any more.

As luck would have it I have some really amazingly terrific friends!! Everyone just chipped in and helped put everything away in no time, despite my arguments to “just leave it”.  In a blink of an eye the pools were drained, the castle was boxed up, as was the Lego, the chairs were stacked by the garage and the dishes were done. I don’t know what I would have done without my good friends to help me.

And now here I am just days later and I am still paying for it. I may have spent the the last 2 days in bed, but it was definitely worth it to see this smiling face;

And hear him say “mom, thanks for inviting all my friends over and having a party; I had so much fun!”

Yup, it’s my party and I can run myself into the ground if I want to!

… Cause it’s worth it!

Never Say Never…

On the weekends it can be hard to get Leon to spend time AWAY from his video games, but we try our best. He loves to draw, and will often spend time doing that while watching TV. It tends to add up to more screen time than Ron or I are comfortable with. But when the both of us are busy around the house trying to get things done; it is easier to just let him do his thing rather than have to stop what we are doing to make sure he is entertained and out of trouble 😉 .

This weekend we enjoyed the nice warm spring weather, and did manage to get him outdoors for a couple of hours on Saturday, but nothing engages his ADHD brain out there for more than a few minutes at a time. My guess is that there is just TOO MUCH going on around him that finding focus on just one thing is just not possible.

Sunday was beautiful too, but between my migraine and Ron’s aches and pains; none of us got out of the house. By late afternoon I was asleep in the bedroom with curtains drawn and a pillow on my head to drown out any sound or light. That left Ron to deal with Leon for the better part of the day. He actually managed to get Leon away from the screen machines, letting him know that he needed to find something else to do and it could not involve anything with a screen on it.

Leon was surprisingly compliant about it and grabbed a few books out of his room and began to read. Awesome!

He loves to read and likes all kinds of books; chapter books like Goosebumps, Choose Your Own Adventure Books like Journey Under the Sea, Graphic novels like Max Axiom Science Series, but mostly he like reference books like The Big Book of Knowledge from which he can learn all kinds of new and interesting facts. They are all great books!

After reading for a bit Leon brings in “The Big Book of Knowledge” to Ron; opened to pages 26 and 27

The Big Book of Knowledge – pages 26 & 27

 

He points out the passage pictured below and says “Umm, Dad? Is this True???” 

Ron reads it, and tells him, that yes it is true. To which Leon replies; “Sounds Gross!, I am NEVER going to do that!”

**Tee Hee – this kid cracks me up! **

Never say never kiddo… but do wait until you are at least 18 

…and IN LOVE!

Oh and USE A CONDOM!

Gettin’ my Creative Juices Flowin’

I have often heard;

“you are so talented, you should start a business”.

That would be WONDERFUL, I’d love to do that.

The question is; how? I have no business sense and the coin purse is empty. And you know the old adage; it takes money to make money.

And then, there is the lack of confidence in my talents

It’s not that I do not believe that I have any talent, it’s just that I feel there are people out there that are so much more talented than myself.

It doesn’t stop me from enjoying the creative process though. And sometimes I even impress myself with the outcome 🙂

My creative talents have included:

Drawing – it’s been a while, I did a lot of drawing as a child and in my teens. I have only recently taken it up again. I even tried some creative drawing on the computer to make some matching t-shirts for our trip to Disney;

Trip Planning – YES I definitely consider trip planning a creative talent!! And I do it well, especially when traveling with a highly sensory child with ADHD/ODD. Accommodations for travel require quite a bit of creativity. Like the badge I made for him to wear that clearly outlined the rules with a visual prompt.

Badge that "MICKEY" sent to Leon

Event Planning – like my DIY wedding where I made everything from the centerpieces to the floral arch to the ring box to the 150 hand-painted Champaign glasses I made to give as wedding favors to each of my guests.

The wedding arch

Close up

One of my centerpieces and a set of hand-painted champaign glass favors

Enough people told me that I should go into business selling my Glass Painting that I decided to give it a try.  I successfully sold a few pieces but in the end I wasn’t making enough money to cover the time, effort, and money it took to not only paint each piece , but then to pack everything up and transport them to a little craft fair, where I paid $60 for a table, only to sell a couple of pieces that maybe made me $40, and then have to pack it all back up and bring it back home. It just didn’t pay.

I also have helped to plan a few showers, my sister’s wedding, and quite a few themed birthday parties for kids. I love doing it. Especially the themey stuff

I was very proud of the School Bus cake I made on Leon's 1st Day of School

Leon’s 2nd Thomas Birthday Party  – he didn’t know how much I put into this party but I had fun doing it

I made one cake for the adults and little individual ones for each child

Leon’s 5th Pirate Birthday Party – yes my spoiled little child had 3 parties and 3 cakes

I hand-painted this shark to use as a game, it was fun as a photo prop too!

Leon’s 8th Lego Birthday Party;- this was a really fun party!

Lego Mini Marshmellow heads - real easy to make

Kiera’s 1st Ladybug Birthday

Ladybug Themed tutu I made for Kiera's 1st birthday

If I knew how, I would love to make money as an event planner.

Photography  – …is another talent I have. More specifically I have an eye for. Ron, often tells people that I am a photographer, and it bugs me, because I am SO NOT a photographer. I WISH I was, but at best I am a photo enthusiast. The difference being that although I thoroughly enjoy photography, and have an eye for capturing great shots; I pretty much have no education in photography at all.

I can really relate to the guy in this Panasonic Lumix commercial:

..see it’s not me,  it’s my camera! (which btw is a Canon)

…plus some creative digital photo editing too.

Basically I am just winging it.

When Leon was born, my love for photography grew, and my need to share it grew too. I started showcasing my photos on my smugmug website for all my friends and family to see.

First time using a spoon

(btw -gardening is NOT one of my talents)

As a result I was asked by two different sets of friends to photograph their weddings. Of course I said yes, it was an honor to be asked. I never expected to be paid, but when one of the couples thanked me with $1000.oo check , it gave me the confidence to try to make some money doing what I loved.

I got a few jobs and made some money, but most of my jobs were for friends and I had a hard time charging them, so that didn’t last too long. I also  needed better equipment in order for my photography to live up to my own standards.

In general I don’t know that I am so much talented as I am creative and crafty

And recently I have been inspired to try a new craft;

I was honored when my sister -in-law asked me if I could make a few things for her wedding. She pointed me in the direction of Etsy.com where she had seen a few things she had really liked. I was already familiar with Etsy, but I had never really perused the wedding category. One of the things she had pointed out to me, started to get my creative juices flowin again. It was something that I have tried my hand at before, but I didn’t really feel that there was a big demand for it. But with the trend of weddings being a bit more green, the rustic look of woodburning seems to have become a bit more popular.

Woodburning – is now a talent I am trying to cultivate. And I am really enjoying it. And who knows maybe I can even sell a few pieces on Etsy….

This is just a practice piece - but it gives you an idea of what I am going for

Besides what else is there for this SAHM to do?…uh, besides taking care of an ADHD child, managing my Fibro, keeping track of $800/month medicines, PTA volunteering, School Newspaper editor and author, caring for my 3 year old niece, plan playdates, etc.., etc…, etc…                            …oh yeah and maintain this blog.

My Valentine, My Superman

Happy Valentine’s Day to All!

….But especially to my husband and my son.

 
It is because of my husband and son,
that I am a heartless woman.
Ron has one half of my heart,
and Leon has the other half.
 
 

 

 

I fell in love with Ron almost immediately. Our blind date was part fairytale, part racy novel. We walked, we talked, we watched some videos (yes back then it was videos, not DVDs), we kissed, we talked for hours on end; with some more kissing in between, we felt sparks and acted upon them, we had brunch, we walked and talked some more on the beach, we went to a movie and he drove me home. We did all of that in one date; one very long first date – 36 hours to be exact. And we have been together ever since.

I started falling in love with him on that first date. A few days later, I told Andrea, the friend who had arranged our blind date, that I was going to marry this man. And I was not wrong.

I fell in love with him because he was a good kisser, a great listener, imaginative, smart, caring, passionate, sensitive, interesting, spontaneous and good (at a lot of things). And because he made me feel special.

After almost 11 years of marriage a lot has changed in our lives. But not the way I feel about him.  We’ve been married long enough to have had a few ups and downs, but through it all we have always loved one another. That is no surprise to me, it goes without saying; because I know deep within my heart and without a doubt that Ron was made especially for me.

What surprises me, and catches me off guard sometimes, is those moments when I fall in love with him all over again. If only because, I didn’t think our love could get any bigger.

It’s happening right now, in fact. Over the past couple of months I have watched him care for our son and for me like he never has had to before; and it has me falling in love with him all over again.

This self-proclaimed SuperMom has found her kryptonite. It is  the combination of record-breaking cold temperatures and snow with my fibromyalgia. It has kept me immobile and either on the couch or in my bed for months. I’ve had to reluctantly, and with much guilt and despair, hand over my title of SuperMom to him.

He’s had to become SuperDad. Not that he wasn’t a super dad before, but this winter; this New Year so far, can not, and has not been easy on him. In the wake of me having to check out for a while he has had to step up big time. And boy has he ever!

He has had to be the one to get up with Leon when I can’t get out of bed (and right now that’s been 9 times out of 10, instead of the other way around); he’s been the one to get him showered and dressed, make his breakfast, remembers to give him his meds and packs his lunch and then gets him on the bus in the morning. Then he goes off to work for eight hours. When he gets home I am no better than when my day started. It’s gone beyond the usual discomfort and/or pain which was bad enough already, but not only has the intensity of the pain increased but the fatigue and the loss of energy has me so incapacitated that I can barely participate in life right now. I know that the weather is a major contributor to this change in my life but I suspect that my age and my changing hormones might be messing me up too. What ever the reason, the result is has been less than desirable. Rather than Ron and I working to care for our family together: Ron has had to take on the brunt of the responsibilities in caring not only for Leon, but for me as well.

And while I feel lousy about all of this, I can’t help but feel as if I am falling in love with Ron all over again, and again, and again!

He’s not just my Valentine, He’s my Superman!!

 

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And the WINNER for My Dumb-Ass Move of the Week goes to …

Shoveling Snow!!

Well I wasn’t so much shoveling snow as I was moving it around.

We had 15inches of snow on the ground yesterday when all was said and done. It was quite a beautiful site to wake up too (see previous post)

Poor Leon had a snow day and was stuck at home ALONE with his dear old mom. That would be me – Dear and Old… among other things, like in pain and overly fatigued.

 

We spent the morning playing the Wii (well he played, I got to watch) and watching “Back to the Future”. By 11am I felt we had had enough screen time, I wanted him to go out and get some fresh air, play in the snow a bit, get some much needed vitamin D. But he just kept saying he rather stay in and play Lego. I didn’t argue it, since I had kept him home sick the day before (stomach bug).

Every so often I would remind him of how much snow was out there, and all the cool things, that he could build with it. He finally admitted that he wanted to go out but he was waiting for Daddy to come home first.

I explained that, he doesn’t get home till after 6pm and that it would be too cold and too late to go out then.  He then said “Oh okay, I’ll go out now, but it’s nicer to be out there with someone, and I didn’t want to ask you”, then he added “Well, not because I don’t want you with me; but because I don’t want you to have more hurt from the cold”

I cried inside when he said that. It’s times like that, that I really just hate myself for having fibro; and I hate that I didn’t push harder to have another child (which can also be blamed on fibro). FIBRO SUCKS!!

I told him that I would be okay and I went outside with him (I lied).

When Leon saw the neighbors having a play date with each other across the street he asked if we could invite them over to our yard. I said yes of course but I was sure they would say no. Not because they are mean kids or anything remotely like that, quite the opposite. But because, aside from the fact that they already had their own fort well under way, I think they know Leon well enough to know that he has his own way of doing things and often has his own agenda and doesn’t always compromise so well.

Leon took it in stride and just asked me to call another neighbor, which I did just to appease him, knowing they would decline too. For no other reason than they are girls after my own heart – they do not like snow. Again Leon took it in stride, and asked me to call a classmate, and then someone else, and then someone else, down the line.  You see, Leon does better one on one, rather than in a group and even then sometimes he isn’t necessarily looking for one particular person to play with; he just wants another warm body around.  –That’s a little sad don’t you think? How do I fix that???

I know a few of his classmates that I could have called, that would probably have come by, but the truth is I really didn’t want a play date at our house. I was feeling lousy and I suffer from CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) because I can’t pull myself together to clean up around here. I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and I certainly didn’t want to have to change out of my snuggle pajamas and give up my blanket with sleeves. Having the neighborhood kids over is one thing because once they were done playing outside, I could just send them back across the street. But having a classmate who needs to be driven over, in tales a bit more work and planning. I just was not up for it.

Leon hates to be alone; he always needs someone in the room with him. He would rather read a book in the same room with someone rather than play with his toys alone in his room. The closest we get to him playing in his room on his own is if we are in the adjacent computer room; and even then, he will move whatever it is he is playing with into the doorway so he can be nearer.

I felt bad for him; even though I knew he was fine out there on his own. But the mommy-guilt got the better of me.

So there I was shoveling snow into huge piles for him to make a fort out of, fully equipped with snow slide. The snow was very heavy and there was tons of it. It was definitely my dumb-ass move of the week given how bad of a Fibro-flare I am having, especially when considering the fact that it is the snowy weather that is triggering this never-ending flare-up. Today I am paying for it big time!!!

It was a mistake, one that I knew I was making at the time I was making it.

So why do it?

This is why……

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The things we do for our kids!

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