Just call me Jiji

…me, just pretending to be me ….now, where did I put that cape??

Archive for the tag “Snow Day”

And the WINNER for My Dumb-Ass Move of the Week goes to …

Shoveling Snow!!

Well I wasn’t so much shoveling snow as I was moving it around.

We had 15inches of snow on the ground yesterday when all was said and done. It was quite a beautiful site to wake up too (see previous post)

Poor Leon had a snow day and was stuck at home ALONE with his dear old mom. That would be me – Dear and Old… among other things, like in pain and overly fatigued.

 

We spent the morning playing the Wii (well he played, I got to watch) and watching “Back to the Future”. By 11am I felt we had had enough screen time, I wanted him to go out and get some fresh air, play in the snow a bit, get some much needed vitamin D. But he just kept saying he rather stay in and play Lego. I didn’t argue it, since I had kept him home sick the day before (stomach bug).

Every so often I would remind him of how much snow was out there, and all the cool things, that he could build with it. He finally admitted that he wanted to go out but he was waiting for Daddy to come home first.

I explained that, he doesn’t get home till after 6pm and that it would be too cold and too late to go out then.  He then said “Oh okay, I’ll go out now, but it’s nicer to be out there with someone, and I didn’t want to ask you”, then he added “Well, not because I don’t want you with me; but because I don’t want you to have more hurt from the cold”

I cried inside when he said that. It’s times like that, that I really just hate myself for having fibro; and I hate that I didn’t push harder to have another child (which can also be blamed on fibro). FIBRO SUCKS!!

I told him that I would be okay and I went outside with him (I lied).

When Leon saw the neighbors having a play date with each other across the street he asked if we could invite them over to our yard. I said yes of course but I was sure they would say no. Not because they are mean kids or anything remotely like that, quite the opposite. But because, aside from the fact that they already had their own fort well under way, I think they know Leon well enough to know that he has his own way of doing things and often has his own agenda and doesn’t always compromise so well.

Leon took it in stride and just asked me to call another neighbor, which I did just to appease him, knowing they would decline too. For no other reason than they are girls after my own heart – they do not like snow. Again Leon took it in stride, and asked me to call a classmate, and then someone else, and then someone else, down the line.  You see, Leon does better one on one, rather than in a group and even then sometimes he isn’t necessarily looking for one particular person to play with; he just wants another warm body around.  –That’s a little sad don’t you think? How do I fix that???

I know a few of his classmates that I could have called, that would probably have come by, but the truth is I really didn’t want a play date at our house. I was feeling lousy and I suffer from CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) because I can’t pull myself together to clean up around here. I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and I certainly didn’t want to have to change out of my snuggle pajamas and give up my blanket with sleeves. Having the neighborhood kids over is one thing because once they were done playing outside, I could just send them back across the street. But having a classmate who needs to be driven over, in tales a bit more work and planning. I just was not up for it.

Leon hates to be alone; he always needs someone in the room with him. He would rather read a book in the same room with someone rather than play with his toys alone in his room. The closest we get to him playing in his room on his own is if we are in the adjacent computer room; and even then, he will move whatever it is he is playing with into the doorway so he can be nearer.

I felt bad for him; even though I knew he was fine out there on his own. But the mommy-guilt got the better of me.

So there I was shoveling snow into huge piles for him to make a fort out of, fully equipped with snow slide. The snow was very heavy and there was tons of it. It was definitely my dumb-ass move of the week given how bad of a Fibro-flare I am having, especially when considering the fact that it is the snowy weather that is triggering this never-ending flare-up. Today I am paying for it big time!!!

It was a mistake, one that I knew I was making at the time I was making it.

So why do it?

This is why……

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The things we do for our kids!

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Last Night’s Storm

The storm went all night long. I didn’t even have to see it, to know it was there. I could feel it in my bones. And my bones, they were a hurtin’

I received the 6am wake-up call from the School District letting me know there would be “No School, Due To Inclement Weather”. Oh Joy, a Snow Day.

That by the way, was sarcasm.

My thoughts went to all the reason’s why I hate the snow.

When I finally got out of bed to survey the damage,

…all I saw was beauty.

Here are the pictures:

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A Mother’s Guilt is Never Done

Ooooh! Owwww! Ohhh!

I just spent almost an hour outside in the wet, cold, snow with a shovel in hand, breaking my already injured back and ignoring the stiffening of my joints and the labored breaths.

Yes!  Me…..outside…..in the snow! ……Can you believe it?

Now, I am soaked from head to toe!

I am chilled to the bone!

I am pooped! 

And I am HURTING!

Bad!!

Ah, the things we do for our children…

You see, I was not shoveling the walkway or clearing out our cars or anything constructive like that, I was trying to build a fort and make a snowman with Leon. Even though I already knew going in, that I would be paying for it, for days to come. 

We trudged our way through the snow, I shoveled up piles and piles for him to mold into whatever his little heart desired, I stooped down low rolling snow balls around hoping for a perfectly round boulder sized base for our snowman, and I got down on my hands and knees and helped him shape the walls of our fort.

Our fort was no where near as good as Daddy’s are. In fact it wasn’t as much of a fort, as it was a really thin three-sided lip of snow about as high as the curb. Okay so maybe it was a bit higher than that. Leon had to lie flat on his belly to be completely shielded. In other words it was a very poor excuse of a fort. And our snowman, weeeell he’s more of a snowblob with a too small red knit cap sitting on top. But it made Leon happy to be outside in the snow, even though his usual snow buddy could not be there. Alas Daddy was working. And I, …well I would have been very content to just sit around in my pajamas all day long.

Our morning did start out that way. Leon crawled into my bed after Daddy left for work wanting me to get up and make him breakfast. I readied myself to get up and get him off to school and then I remembered the 6:30am phone call that the school was closed due to the snow storm.

“No school today Leon, it’s a snow day, lemme sleep just a bit longer”

If you’ve read my previous post ADHD vs. Fibro you know what direction that could have headed, but didn’t.

I felt guilty. How do I tell my over-active and impulsive ADHD 7-year-old to just sit by and wait while I got some more shut-eye? So I did get out of bed, but I did not do much more than that.

Whaaat???, It was early and there was over a foot of snow outside! Do you know what that does to my Fibro?

Well, I did at least feed him. I gave him a bowl of dry cereal and even let him eat it in the livingroom while watching TV.

After patiently staring at the weather channel that I had put on, for about 20 minutes, he asked to play his DS game instead.

Being that I wanted to continue watching the weather report, I said sure without batting an eyelash, and settled in under my blanket on the sofa while he blipped and bleeped away at his game at my feet.

I ended up dozing off for a couple of hours… talk about bad mommy guilt.

So I had him put away his game for a bit and find something else to do. He started a couple of puzzles, played with his legos, and pulled out a book to read …40 minutes later he is bored again. And I am feeling guilty and just a bit lazy. C’mon it’s pajama day!

Leon was being so patient and so good for a kid cooped up in the house with his ole mom.

I pulled out some paper, scissors, and markers for him and put on a Disney movie. And he happily set out to color and snip away the day, while watching “Akeela and the Bee”.  

So far, so good. My evil pajama day plan was working! Mwaa-haa-haa!

I half read, and half watched the movie from the comfort of the couch. I figured the movie would kill a good two hours….

 Yeah sure, once he was done making his projects, he left the mess and sat in front of the window and just stared out at the snow falling.

When I asked what he was thinking, he said, “Well, I was thinking I want to go outside and play but I know you don’t feel good so I’ll just watch the snow fall”

Ugh! More Guilt. I have the greatest kid. Sure he can be bull-headed and oppositional at times, but he is also very sweet and sensitive.

I told him to go get his snow gear, we were going out! Normally it takes about 15 minutes every morning just to get him dressed for school, but not today he was ready in two minutes flat and ready to go. I on the other hand, was much slower. Poor Leon was just starting to lose his patience.

Being outside wasn’t that bad, …at first. But after a little while I had to sit down and take a few short breaks here and there. The more we worked the stiffer I got. And the kneeling in the snow did not help at all. I was wet and I was cold.

The worst thing about being in the snow with Fibro is that I get chilled to the bone. It literally feels like my bones turn to ice and start splintering from the inside out. The cold becomes the source of my pain.  This doesn’t happen every time, but because this has been such a harsh winter, my body hasn’t had a chance to catch up and restore itself fully between flare-ups.

I needed to get inside, but I could not just leave Leon outside by himself. We only have a front yard and it isn’t completely fenced in. Although truth be told, since he has been doing so well on the Concerta, I am not as concerned as I used to be about his impulses and distractions getting the better of him. My concern with leaving him alone had to do more with leaving him lonely (which often equates to “sad and bored” for him).

We made some calls and knocked on the neighbors door, hoping to find someone to come play in the yard with him. Unfortunately no one was interested or available. So I stayed outside a bit longer until my body just could not handle playing around in the snow anymore. My heart and mind was in it, but my body just said NO.

I gave him the option to stay out and play by himself or come in and play the Wii with me and I would even let him pick the game (ugh). He chose staying outside if I would stay by the window and watch.

I could not help feeling guilty as I watched him wonder around the yard by himself, looking for something ‘fun’ to do. The smile he had, had on his face while we were working on the fort together was gone. I felt guilt and SADNESS, for my lonely little boy.

This time I wasn’t just feeling guilty for being sick and unable to keep up with my child, but also for not having another child, a sibling for Leon to be his companion growing up. And although the decision not to have another child was not mine, I have come to realize it was probably the right decision. But at times like these it’s hard to swallow.

I just had to do something, my heart was breaking for him, but I had already pushed my body to the limit and I no longer could stand up straight. I decided to call my neighbor and asked if I could hire one of her middle school kids to come and help Leon finish building his snow fort. Unfortunately they had, had enough of the cold too and wanted to stay indoors. Oh well, I tried.

Soon after Leon decided he was coming in. Then something caught his eye, and he shouted, “Mom, look I think Lauren and Alex are coming to play with me!”. Sure enough the neighbor kids had a change of heart and were on their way to help build the fort after all. I told them I would pay them for being a mother’s helper.

The fort was beautifully made and Alex took some twigs and spelled out Leon’s name on it

Leon is all smiles again! And so am I.

And the really, really sweet part about it was Lauren and Alex said that they didn’t feel right taking money because Leon was their buddy and they had fun.

Now all I have to feel guilty about is not being able to go to tonight’s Boy Scout Blue & Gold Award Ceremony with Ron and Leon because I can’t even stand up without wincing in pain. 

A Mother’s Guilt is Never Done

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

As anyone with Fibro will tell you, severe weather conditions is the enemy.

Rain, sleet, snow, high temperatures, humidity, ah heck, just a light breeze at the wrong time can totally throw me off. So when we were hit with the “blizzard” this past week, I was not feelin so hot.

I remember being a young girl just praying for a snow day at the first sight of a snowflake. Now… not so much. The cold that the snow brings; brings with it a pain in the ….well, …everywhere, and often, as has been the case this week, the pain lasts days longer than the snowstorm.

But despite all this I still say let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

On Wednesday, Leon got to experience his very first snow day, followed on Thursday by a second snow day. Leon loved the idea that he got to stay home from school and just play. And not just play, but play outside, …in the SNOW, …..WITH DADDY!!!

The weather was bad enough on Wednesday that Ron did not go in to work and I even got a day off from babysitting. We had a very cozy morning just watching the snow come down. Leon waited very patiently to get out into the snow to build a fort with Daddy. After the first few times of asking me if I was going to help make a fort, he gave up asking. I hate to say no, I hate that I can’t jump right in and join in on the fun. But even if the pain isn’t that bad at the moment, I know that pushing it could affect me for days to come.

In the afternoon they layered up, and went out into snow, with me watching from the window. Somehow that hurt more than the physical pain of it all. I had to get out there and be a part of the fun and just live in the moment. So forgetting the pain I bundled up and grabbed my camera and made tracks.

They never did build a fort, instead my camera and I got caught in the middle of a snowball fight. With my camera as a shield against them taking any sort of aim at me, I was able to capture it all.

And although I am still feelin the pain of running around in the snow a few days ago, it was well worth it. Remembering Leon’s laughter at the time and the smile that the pictures bring to my face every time I look at them makes me feel so good.

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